Hello and welcome back to Radiantly Rooted. I am your host Rachel Hupp, and I have a very special guest with me today. Her name is Marla Cantor and she has been practicing yoga for 30 years now. She was drawn to it, actually came across it by accident. Didn’t even know what yoga was at the time, and life kind of led her down the path to yoga teacher training.

She didn’t really want to teach at first, but her yoga teachers needed subs. She said they twisted her arm to get her to sub, and the rest is history.

Today, Marla shares her unexpected journey from yoga teacher to wedding officiant, and how the practice of holding space in yoga naturally translated into creating meaningful wedding ceremonies.

You can watch on YouTube, listen on your favorite podcast platform, or keep reading below.

Editor’s Note: This transcript has been lightly edited for formatting and ease of reading. While I’ve done my best to ensure accuracy, some transcription errors may occur. For the full conversation, please watch the video above or tune in on your favorite podcasting platform.

Finding Yoga by Accident

Rachel: I’m so excited to talk to you, Marla, because our paths, it sounds like, are kind of similar in the sense that we both came across yoga by accident. Can you tell us a little bit more about your story and how you actually stumbled across yoga?

Marla: Yeah, so it was about 40 years ago and our local county building was offering a yoga class. And yoga wasn’t very popular then, but I was called to do it. And in all honesty, I have no idea why.

I went in with this attitude of, oh, I like to dance and I like to tap dance, and I liked to dance. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I wasn’t going to like it. And so I did the first practice and I felt it immediately when I went home reaching for dishes in the cabinet. I felt longer, so I was really curious to go back.

So that’s how it started. And I started going a couple of times a week. A yoga studio opens up and then a second yoga studio, and then a third maybe like 10 miles out. And I went to every one of those studios.

The Reluctant Teacher Training

So then there was a teacher training that was offered in my town, and little did I know was that I had to learn history and anatomy. I just wanted to bend, you know, I wanted to do more poses. And I almost quit right there when we were in like, oh no, I have to study anatomy and all that.

So I went to my teacher training. There was about a dozen of us and that was about 25 years ago. And there weren’t a whole lot of yoga teachers then. And I was the last one out of the 12 of us to sign up to teach a class because the trainers had opened up a studio and everybody was signing up.

And we sort of followed one another. In the last several years, I’m the only one that’s teaching now. But yeah, so that’s how it happened and I feel so lucky that I found it because it’s the only thing, with the exception of raising my son, that I’ve done consistently for so long.

Rachel: And that’s such an amazing story, and I love how you shared that, you know, how yoga has evolved over the years and how it’s so easy to find a yoga studio now for most of us, and if we can’t, we can find it online. But that wasn’t necessarily the case 25 years ago.

From Reluctant Teacher to Community Builder

Marla: Yeah. And it was pretty different then. You know, it kind of morphed in some not so good ways and in some good ways. But I think that people that endeavor to teach, they know, maybe they’re not always the greatest teachers, but their heart’s in it, you know?

And I think everybody, I think almost everybody deserves a chance to throw themselves in the fire and get out there and teach if their heart is in it, you know? So I feel really lucky with that.

And to this day, I’m teaching large private groups, most of them in my community that I’ve picked up in the last 30 years of, well, 25 years of teaching. And when COVID came and a lot of the places I was teaching closed down, I started my own classes and I have this really lovely following where on Mondays we go out for coffee afterwards.

Yeah. So I feel really, really lucky that I get to do this.

Rachel: That’s amazing. I love the community aspect of what you are offering. It’s not just the class, but then taking it beyond the mat and out into the world as well and really building that sense of community and support. That’s really magical.

Creating Safe, Inclusive Spaces

Marla: Yeah. So one of the things that I do, nobody could drop into my class. They have to get in touch with me. They have to be kind of approved just because, well, it’s a large class, to make sure that there’s room and they’re on the level that we are, which is actually kind of gentle.

It’s mostly older people. We’re not looking to tighten our quads. Well, I think everybody there is really looking for the stillness. They show up on their yoga mat. I think that a lot of them are in search of the quiet. They’re not trying to make anything happen and that’s really the goal of yoga. So that’s what I’m surrounded with in my classes.

Rachel: Yes, I think that’s so powerful. It really is that it brings us to a place within ourselves where we can find that space of stillness. And for so many of us with life and the hustle and bustle, that’s the only chance within our day that we do have that space to be still and to find that sense of quiet within.

Marla: Yeah. And you know, it’s not always easy. Sometimes I say to my students, you know, that we’ll start in just a centering on our back. And I’ll say, you know, it’s not easy to do nothing. It’s not easy to think less, but it’s in that quiet and in that stillness that we become softer, less armored.

And so my fan club, they get that, you know, they get that. I also teach restorative yoga, and if anybody’s familiar with that, it’s really super, super chill, lots of props. And on two Sundays a month, I have 30 to 40 people show up. Young and old. People are in search of the quiet.

Rachel: I think you’re so right.

Marla: And they’re tapping into it. So good for them.

The Power of Presence

Rachel: And I know you shared something with me about helping people to feel safe and to feel held in your classes. So what would that safety feel like in the body in your experience?

Marla: Well, I think part of the safety, separate from the body, is that I’m approachable. And even in my classes, if I teach at a health club, I remember people’s names. Or I’ll ask again and I have this little rule: I get to ask three times, and if they disappear one day, I get to start over again.

So I think that being acknowledged, I always start with a little bit of a word of wisdom. Sometimes it’s funny, it’s about me or what’s going on in the world. And so most of my classes I teach a gentle yoga, even if it’s a flow class and a little bit stronger.

I think that gentle doesn’t always mean easy, but teaching it in a kind, a soft, mindful way where everybody has some success and some challenge. So presence, I think people feel the presence.

Gentle Is the New Advanced

Rachel: Yes. I love that. I love that and I love something I’ve seen you say quite a few times and share on your social media is that gentle is the new advanced. Could you dive a little more into that?

Marla: Yeah. Well that’s part of that. It’s not always easy to do nothing or it’s not always easy to move slow.

Rachel: Yeah, you’re exactly right. When I first came to yoga, I came to it for the fitness aspect. I wanted the intense power workouts, right? And then over time I realized, like you mentioned, that sense of presence and that it’s something you carry with you beyond the mat.

And as my practice has evolved over the last 30 years as well, I’m more in that space where I’m seeking that stillness and that presence within more so than the, you know, like you said, I’m not trying to tighten my hamstrings. I’m trying to connect with my soul, my heart, my body, my mind.

Marla: Well, you know, I understand. I mean, there’s a yin and a yang. Yang is making something happen. Yin is allowing. And when you are younger and you come in, you know, you’re striving because we’re in a world where we’re graded at school A, B, C, D, or we’re getting raises. So we’re always striving to make something happen.

It’s funny because sometimes in my slower classes, like my restorative, I’ll say, hey, it’s okay to be a C student, you know?

But one of the things I think about when, and you know, it’s not just young physical fit people too, that want to sweat and want to burn, particularly if they’re new at yoga, I always thought, well then they’re taking the back door in because it’s not about the body, it’s about the being.

And that will lead them to that part. If it does great, and if it doesn’t, you know, different strokes for different folks, you know.

Rachel: That’s so powerful. It’s not about the body, it’s about the being. I love that.

Finding Your Place in Yoga

Marla: Yeah. I had a teacher that said that about 30 years ago. I went right home and I wrote that, and I never forgot that, you know?

Because like when I was growing up in New York City, I was never picked to be on a team. I didn’t like gym. And the thing with yoga that I found was that there was no, when they said there’s no competition, no expectation, I felt that.

Rachel: Yes.

Marla: I, you know, and I felt like I was playing the soul game of Twister. Nobody bothered me to do, nobody was blasting music. Nobody said, give me another down dog. Give me another, you know, you know, it was gentle. And so, yeah, like I said, I’m just really lucky that I found that and that it resonated for me because I was able to do it for doing it and had success.

The Unexpected Path to Officiating Weddings

Rachel: I love that. And so you shared with me that the deeper and the more spiritual aspects of the practice over time led you to develop an interest in other religions, and you decided to look deeper into other religions, and then one of your yoga students actually asked you to officiate their wedding. Can you tell us a little bit more about that and the pathway that it led you down?

Marla: Yeah, so she just said, would you officiate my wedding? And I’m like, no. Um, and so then, so I have a really good friend, Reverend Claire Francis. And she does a lot of weddings and I told her and she said, well, you know, you can go to the courthouse. Virginia’s very strict about who can do weddings, but you can go down and you can get, it’s not ordained, but you can get certified for the day.

So I said, oh, and Claire said, you should do it, you know, I’ll help you. I could show you how to structure a wedding, so on and so forth. So throw yourself in the fire. This is my motto, right?

So I said to the gal, I said, yeah, okay, you know, I’ll do it. And so there’s a lot involved in doing it and I did it and I was really nervous. And before I started to do it, I was like, I don’t know why I am doing this. Why did I throw myself in the fire?

The Moment Everything Clicked

But the moment I started, you can feel the love and the hope because the bride is in her dress and the mother has a dress and you know, the mother picked out a great dress. You know what I mean? Like I could feel the vibe. Grandma said, oh, my granddaughter’s getting married. First one, you know. They had to get the best dress. And the energy was just so happy.

So when I was done, I just like, wow. I was just surrounded by hope and love. I walked out. If I could’ve jumped up and clipped my heels, I would’ve done that. But I knew that I had nailed it.

How to Build a Meaningful Ceremony

Marla: But I have a system. Would you like me to share my system with you?

Rachel: Yes. Yes, please.

Marla: How I build a ceremony. So the first thing that I do is I meet with my couples on Zoom to see if we’re a nice fit, and I always tell them, don’t make a decision tonight. If you want to work with me, take some time, but I’m going to speak to you as if I am your officiant.

The Questionnaire Process

So what I do, if they decide to work with me, the first thing I do is I send them a questionnaire separately to fill out separately so I can learn about them. A lot of couples really like to do it, and a lot of couples haven’t been to many weddings or they certainly haven’t been married before. So it kind of shows you the system of a wedding.

But some of the questions are: How did you meet? What are you looking forward to? What are the things that make you laugh? So I put the wedding together and then I send them choices for their declaration of intent, which is the I dos, that’s what I’m bound by law. They have vows if they don’t want to write it themselves. And then there’s the ring blessing, and then there’s the ring words exchange, so on and so forth.

And they pick all that from probably about 25 or 30 choices that they send. They can pick what I send. They can swap it around. They can write their own, but what I do is I build their love story into the address when I talk about love and commitment, and I always try to put something that one doesn’t expect the other one to say in terms of their little love story about each other, or a little secret about them.

The Pokemon Moment

I just have to tell you, I did a wedding this weekend and one of the things that the gentleman had said in his thing was how he admired her for always learning and being curious. And that she even knew how to name 1,000 Pokemon. And you know, I said that and like she just laughed because it was true.

So I just try to build the ceremony and tell their love story. And I, you know, I think I was always good, but I think I’m even really good now because I’m less nervous than I used to be. You know, like I’m holding that space. It’s like a yoga class, it’s breath by breath, and in weddings it’s heart by heart or story by story.

Rachel: Oh, I love that.

Marla: Yeah. You’re holding that space. You know, you are reading a room, you know it’s presence.

Holding Space: From Yoga Mat to Altar

Rachel: What would you say it was about your prior experience with yoga and your ongoing experience with yoga that really helped to prepare you for holding space in such emotionally charged moments like weddings?

Marla: Well, it’s kind of the same, just that you are holding space. You are the calm in the room. You can read the room. You are setting a tone, moment, whether it’s in a yoga class or in doing weddings.

And you know, when I’m up at like big, fancy wedding and I do elopements and simple weddings too, I say, how did I end up here? You know? And I realized growing up in New York, I grew up in the projects. We played in the streets all the time. I was never by myself. We always had community.

We were doing hula hoops together or skating or making up games. You know, we didn’t have the technology, we just played in the streets, but it always was surrounded by people. And I think that I was a little bit of a leader in that. Like I organized the games, you know, I made up the silly games, or I called my friends, come on over, you know, things like that.

So I think that from an early childhood, that’s how it gave me the wings to get comfortable. I mean, I don’t know how I ended up being a yoga teacher or an officiant. It just evolved. You live long enough, you evolve, right? And you don’t really know, you know, how are you going to end up?

But I feel, between both, teaching and officiating, I feel really lucky to be surrounded by just love and hope and ease.

Rachel: I love that. The love, the hope, the ease.

Grounding Yourself to Hold Space for Others

Rachel: When you walk into a room and you’ve learned to read the energy, you walk into a room that’s full of heightened emotion, how do you ground yourself first so that you are able to hold that space for those around you?

Marla: You know, with weddings, I don’t know the people, right? So I don’t know the parents, I don’t know the dynamics that are going on. Part of my questionnaire is I do ask questions about the family. Is there anything you need me to know? Or there’s some divorced parents, they may be divorced 30 years, but the father is still jealous of this one or anything.

So when I know that it helps me not to like go to a stepmom where there’s problems there and congratulate her, but rather congratulate the mom. So I know a little bit about what’s going on, but mostly I just try to stand back and I observe and I just watch because it’s not my business really to do anything, but to be present when it’s time for the ceremony.

So, and then there’s usually a wedding planner, so I just listen and I go where I’m going to go. And yeah. And it’s funny because sometimes when I see pictures later on, I’m, and the bride’s coming down, I’m kind of, then I have to remind myself to smile, you know, to be, to be present. And so, yeah, it’s just reading a room. I don’t know if that’s intuitive or you’re born with it or it’s necessary, you know, it’s necessary to be present in that way.

Helping Nervous Couples Stay Present

Rachel: And so I know you mentioned that you were nervous officiating the weddings, especially as you were first getting into this, and I feel certain, especially from, like you said, I just recently got married, the couples themselves are nervous too. How do you help them really stay connected to what matters when they’re up there standing there with you and they’re nervous and this is a huge day for them? How do you help them when they start to feel overwhelmed?

Marla: You know, when we first meet on Zoom, we, I usually start the process three months out with the questionnaire and then the choices and we don’t know one another, but we communicate a little bit online, back and forth. And I could see a softening in my couples where they won’t just sign their name like Ellen. They’ll say, thanks for everything Marla, Ellen, you know, they’re starting to use my name and I’ll email, hey Ellen, I love that you chose that, but you may want to think this.

So by the time we get up to the altar, there’s a little bit of a trust. And I love that I could feel us connecting. And I get there, I meet them at the rehearsal. There’s always a hug, like we know one another.

And I’ve had brides tell me I’m a crier and I’m going to be really nervous. And I tell them at the rehearsal, I go, I know you may be nervous. Even the ones that say they’re not nervous. Look at me, look at my lips when I say your vows and you repeat after me. I’m here for you. I can hold that space.

And then I also tell my couples, you are doing it. You know what I mean? You’re doing it. You’ve been preparing for this. And I’m always amazed how well they do.

The Bride Who Just Lit Up

I recently had a wedding and, you know, we have this little saying, there are some bridezillas out there. I haven’t had a lot of them and I know I was really calm with her all the time. She wanted to zoom extra time. And when it was time for her to walk down the aisle, she lit up in a way that I’ve never, and that I had not seen her light up.

Going from this intensity and all these questions like she had arrived at the top of the aisle with her dad and walked down and it just, I was like worried about her being really worried and fidgety because that’s how she was whenever I spoke to her. But she just lit up.

So you never know what you’re going to get. You just got to hold the space and do it.

The C Wedding vs. the A+ Performance

Sometimes I leave a wedding, it’s like a C wedding, not because of me, because I got the wrong microphone and it’s reverberating and there’s somebody doing fire range in the back. Not my fault. You know, my husband and I come home and say, how was the wedding? I go, oh, it was a C because, you know, the equipment was wrong. Things that I couldn’t change.

But, you know, you just get in there and you do it. So, yeah. Just hold that space and figure it out when I get there. Yeah. And couples are nervous, but that’s the way it is. I understand. They’re going to be nervous, you know? They know they’re going to be nervous.

You know what I think too, sometimes when the couples are up there a little paralyzed. They do it. They get focused and they do it.

The Power of Personal Details

Rachel: And I love that you share that. You know, you do the questionnaire separately for each one, and then you sprinkle in those little tidbits during the ceremony. That seems like it will help ground them, maybe offer a little bit of spontaneity, like maybe a little chuckle or, um, it just feels like a very heart-centered offering.

Marla: No, exactly. And sometimes they’ll share things with me that their partner won’t share maybe about a family member, you know, said that his dad passed away a year or two ago. I mean, he may mention it on the questionnaire, or he may not.

And so yeah, the questionnaire is great and I’ve done 125 weddings and nobody, I give that if they don’t want to do it, they don’t have to. But I’ve never had a couple not do it. Some of them write a novel and some of them say, what are the things that make you laugh? My dog? You know? So you never know. You never know what you’re going to get.

125 Weddings and Counting

Rachel: No. Wow. 125 weddings. And you do elopements, you do big weddings, fancy weddings, indoor, outdoor, or are they mostly outdoor?

Marla: Indoor, outdoor, mountaintop. I did a Lord of the Rings wedding where it was thinking Lord of the Rings. And so I watched all the Lord of the Ring movies to put some of those quotes in. I love elopements. I did an elopement a couple of weeks ago. The couple were in their seventies.

Rachel: Oh cute.

Marla: Seventies. And it was their second marriage. So excited. Yeah, big weddings, big weddings sometimes feel intimidating. Not so much anymore. But I also really love too is arriving at these different venues. Because I’ll go all over Central Virginia and, you know, Virginia is so beautiful and you drive up to some of these places, I just can’t believe how beautiful it is. And the flowers. And the music, and it’s like, I just sometimes, I’m stuck dead in my tracks, like, I can’t believe I get to be here and do this.

Rachel: Isn’t that amazing? You know, you found your calling when you have that sense of fulfillment and like, wow, like technically you’re working, but it just feels like it’s not work.

Marla: It’s good work.

Rachel: It’s good work. Yes, yes.

Yoga and Union, Weddings and Union

Rachel: And so I love the similarities. Yoga is union, right, to unite, to connect, and then you are uniting people in marriage, in love, in ceremony. And you shared that, you know, it took a few years for you to get comfortable with teaching yoga, sharing yoga. It took time for you to get comfortable with officiating weddings, which I was the same way with teaching yoga. I never wanted to teach either.

But then when I did my yoga teacher training, I was like, ah, man, I can’t not share this. I have to share this. So it’s like I had an obligation to share it with people, but it wasn’t my intention. I had intended to take the training to deepen my own practice. But a little tangent there.

Anyway, coming back to the yoga and the officiating, can you tell us a little bit more about the similarities between the two and how yoga and your background in yoga and that philosophy, that union, that connection helps support you and helps you to support your couples in officiating the wedding ceremonies.

Marla: You know, when my couples arrive at the altar, I’ll look at them. I’ll say, are you ready? And they go, mm-hmm. I’ll say, take a deep breath. And they do.

You know, so I like to think that in my yoga classes, it’s breath by breath. And in the wedding it’s heart by heart, story by story. So yeah. And like community is like my native language that comes from my New York roots, you know? So community to me is community. Whether it’s on the yoga mat or it’s up at the altar, it’s holding space for people.

Creating Moments That Last

Rachel: We’ve touched on it here and there throughout our conversation today. I just was kind of putting the two together that, you know, yoga and union and uniting couples and sharing their love. And I’ve had friends come to me and they were getting married and they’re like, you know, I teach meditation and yoga and mindfulness. And they’re like, what can I do on my wedding day so that I don’t freak out and have a panic attack? And same as you said, breathe, come back to your breath. Find something you can focus on. And so I think that that’s just so powerful. That makes sense.

Marla: With some of my couples, we’ll take a moment of quiet, we’ll ask everybody to take a moment to quiet and to bring to mind how they met the couple and their wishes for them so they can catch their breath when they get down the aisle and they’ll, you know, hold hands and we’ll take a moment.

But like I said, I think mostly they just have to do what they have to do. They’re up at the altar and they do it, and it’s a little bit more paralyzed. And you know, the other thing too is, couples don’t remember their ceremony after the wedding. They don’t remember the words because they’re kind of like numb in that moment.

But one thing I do do with my couples after their declaration of intent, the welcome and the declaration of intent before we get into what I call the meat and potatoes, the rings, and the vows and everything is I offer my couples, I’ll say to them, before we continue, I’d like to give you a moment to see that you are here. This moment in time is going to be a blur. Take a look out at your friends and your family. Feel the air, look at the trees. You are here.

And they will turn around because they didn’t see them, you know, particularly the bride. And they’re coming down the aisle and they don’t really see the people that traveled. And we’ll turn around and look and I go like this, and the friends will go like that. And so it makes them, I think, maybe a little bit more grounded, a little bit more nervous. Because now they saw everybody, but it’s also playful. So it’s settling.

Rachel: I love that. One of the best pieces of advice I got before I got married, a couple of our friends got married a few months before we did, and she told me: Your wedding day is going to go by in a blur. In a blur. Same as you just said, Marla, once you get up there, she told me, make sure that you take a moment and you look out there and you see all of your friends and your family that are there to support you, to celebrate with you, and you imprint that picture in your mind because the whole day is going to be a blur and you want that memory. So I’m so glad that you shared that.

Marla: Yeah, no, I do that with every one of my couples. And I often say to them, there’s a lot of love and a lot of joy here. Look around. And that is the one thing people come up to me, the guests and say, I don’t stick around after a wedding. I’m just, you know, I leave. But they’ll say, I love that because they were participating. They were participating and I know when I’ve done well, when I can see the guests and they’re smiling and they’re listening to me.

Final Wisdom: Throw Yourself in the Fire

Rachel: Awesome. I love how you have shared how you use your yoga skills to create powerful and meaningful ceremonies for your couples, how you create them, the unique ways that you work with your couples to tell their love story. As we wrap up our conversation here today, I just want to thank you. You’ve shared a lot of insights, a lot of really powerful messaging, both around yoga, around sacred ceremonies, around presence and the power of presence. If there’s anything on your heart that you would like to leave our listeners with today, is there anything that you feel would help this conversation feel a little more complete?

Marla: I keep going back to people, you know, want to try some new things, want to try yoga, or they’re afraid to do things. Throw yourself in the fire. And you can, you don’t lose. You may only fall back halfway. But you’ve learned something along the way. So try things. And try some yoga. Even if you’ve never done it and you’re feeling stiff, maybe find a teacher that you know supports you.

Rachel: I think that’s perfect. It’s so easy for us to get set in our ways and to stay within the confines of our comfort zone. But if we are willing to expand that comfort zone just a little bit and find different ways to kind of push ourselves. Like you said, you’re going to learn something about yourself. And so that in and of itself is powerful.

Marla: Yeah. You learn something and like I said, you only fall back halfway, which again, Rachel, you and I were talking earlier about some of my dad’s quotes and that was a quote my dad used to say was, honey, try anything in life as long as you don’t give up the house or you don’t put your children in danger because if it doesn’t work out, you’ve learned something and you can only fall back halfway.

Rachel: I love that. I love that.

Marla: On a yoga level, it’s just, don’t take life so seriously.

Rachel: Yes. Yes. I say that all the time in my classes, especially in balanced poses when we’re all falling out and wobbling.

Marla: Yeah. And just, you know, have fun. Again, you know, it’s okay to be a C student in yoga. But when I’m an officiant, I’m an A plus.

Rachel: There you go.

Connect with Marla Cantor

If you’re interested in Marla’s yoga classes in the Charlottesville, Virginia area, you can find her on Facebook at Yoga Sparks Cville.

If you’re getting married and looking for a wedding officiant who specializes in holding space for meaningful, personalized ceremonies, visit Sacred Ground Ceremonies.

Marla serves couples throughout Central Virginia with:

• Personalized ceremonies with custom questionnaires
• Love story integration into your ceremony
• Elopements to grand celebrations
• Indoor, outdoor, mountaintop venues, and more
• 125+ weddings of experience

Marla typically books 4-5 months out, so if you’re planning a wedding and want an officiant who brings presence, warmth, and the art of holding space from yoga to your ceremony, reach out to her today.

Rachel