I Did Everything “Right” – So Why Didn’t My Life Feel Like Mine?

Have you ever looked around at your life and wondered… why doesn’t this feel like me? Is this all there is?

You’ve checked the boxes. You’ve built a life that looks solid, maybe even admirable from the outside. You’ve held it all together. You’ve done all the things.

But somehow, something still feels off.

You wake up feeling already behind. You say yes when your whole body is begging for a no. You keep going, you keep pushing, trying to hold it all together. Even when you’re running on fumes, you’re completely depleted, but you keep going. You keep giving.

You’re doing everything “right.” But deep down, it just doesn’t feel right.

That, my friend, is exactly where I found myself several years ago.

I was working hard, doing everything I thought I was supposed to do. I was chasing stability, following the rules, trying to create a life that made sense on paper. You know, from the outside, it probably looked like I had it all together.

But inside, I felt scattered. Disconnected. I didn’t know what brought me joy. I didn’t know who I was. I was exhausted. It was like I was floating outside of my own life.

So this is the story of how that changed, one small, intentional step at a time, and how I finally found my way home to myself.

Let’s take a breath together… and dive in.

Before the Shift: A Life That Looked Good (But Didn’t Feel Good)

You know, at the time, I was working 12-hour swing shifts in the corporate world. It was a job that felt safe, but it was definitely not aligned with my values or my dreams. I had a degree, a steady paycheck, and a plan that seemed practical.

From the outside, like I said, it probably looked like I was doing everything right. I certainly thought I was doing everything right. Get the college degree, check. Find a stable job, check. Get into a steady relationship, check.

But inside? I felt like I was drowning. Overwhelmed and overburdened.

I was constantly overcommitting. Even though I knew I needed to say no, even though I wanted to say no, I kept saying yes. Holding it all together while trying not to fall apart.

And you know, even when I rested, it didn’t feel restful because my mind never stopped running.

I didn’t know what I needed. Honestly, I didn’t even know I was allowed to ask.

And then, a long-term relationship came to an end.

And I’ll be honest with you, it wasn’t a bad relationship. There was love, there was care, there was shared history. But over time, I had started to lose touch with myself inside it. It just wasn’t right for who I was becoming.

And when it ended, something surprising happened: I finally had space to breathe.

And in that space, I realized something I hadn’t… it’s not even that I hadn’t been able to face it before. I didn’t even know it was a thing before. So if you missed the last episode where I shared my A.L.I.G.N. framework for transformation, it’s like this happened to me recently, putting on reading glasses for the first time in your forties, and suddenly everything is so clear. It’s something that you couldn’t even see. You didn’t even know it was there.

And so I realized: I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what brought me joy.

I had built my life around what I thought I should want, not what I actually wanted. I had built my life around who I thought I should be, not who I actually was.

And I was tired. I was tired of living a version of my life that looked fine on the outside, maybe even good from the outside, but didn’t feel like mine on the inside.

And so that’s when I started over, on my own. I eventually bought my house. It felt empowering, but also a little lonely, a little heavy at first. But still, it was mine. A tangible start to building a life that felt like me.

The Quiet Catalyst That Started It All

I didn’t have any dramatic rock bottom. It was more of a quiet unraveling, like a slow buildup of these small, disorienting moments where I just… I knew something wasn’t working for me.

The real turning point came when I decided to enroll in yoga teacher training.

Not necessarily because I wanted to teach. I liked the idea, but honestly? The idea of standing in front of a group made me want to hide under a blanket. I was so shy.

I joined because I needed something deeper, something I couldn’t quite name yet. I wanted to… I had these moments of clarity, of peace after a yoga practice. And I had started to take some of the themes, lessons my teachers taught in class and think about how I could integrate them into my life off the mat, beyond the mat. And so I wanted to dive deeper into yoga philosophy, to deepen my own practice, to deepen my own journey.

Something inside me said, “Go.” And I listened.

And that was the first moment I remember where I really started listening inward instead of outward. And from there, let me tell you, everything began to shift.

Step 1: Awareness – Noticing the Patterns That Were Keeping Me Stuck

Yoga teacher training cracked something open in me. And I’m not saying you have to go to yoga teacher training, though if you want to, it’s life-changing. I highly encourage it. But there are other ways to be cracked open in a good way.

Yoga teacher training gave me the tools and the permission to slow down enough to pay attention.

I started noticing my patterns:

• Always saying yes
• Trying to do everything “right” (Perfectionist here, through and through)
• Living on autopilot (and I don’t even think I realized it 100%)
• Ignoring my own needs
• Second-guessing (maybe quadruple-guessing) every single decision

I kept it all together on the outside. At least most of the time, I tried to look like I was anyway. But inside, I was anxious, exhausted, and like I said, constantly second-guessing everything.

So that awareness, just knowing, changed my life. It changed everything. Because once I saw the patterns, that’s when I could choose to mindfully begin to shift them.

Step 2: Liberation – Letting Go of What Wasn’t Mine to Carry

I’m going to be honest with you. This part was not easy. But it was necessary.

As far as mindfully letting go of what wasn’t mine to carry, I started saying no. And I’ll be honest with you, actually at first I started saying something like, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you,” because that gave me the space to pause and decide if this was something that I wanted to do, or if it was something that I felt like I should do.

I let go of relationships that didn’t feel good. That was hard. But it was necessary. It made me realize that I had lost sense of who I was because I was trying to mold myself into who I thought I should be.

I loosened my grip on the idea that I had to be perfect to be worthy. Perfectionism, gosh, we’ll be grasping at that forever. So letting that go…

I stopped trying to prove myself and slowly, one step at a time, I started trusting myself.

What I found was that each thing I released created more space for me to hear my own voice. Not only that, but to trust my own voice. And in that space, I’m telling you, I found a kind of freedom I didn’t even know I was missing.

Step 3: Integration – Weaving Grounding Practices Into My Days

Now this is where everything started to land.

I created tiny, nourishing rituals that helped me feel connected, not just on my yoga mat, no, but in the middle of real life. Like I said, I was working 12-hour days. I was fostering cats and dogs. Actually, I was training for a marathon at the time, so what I started doing, these shifts had to fit into a very busy life.

I started:

• Breathing before reacting (Responding, giving myself the space to respond instead of react)
• Checking in with my body signals before saying yes (Not automatically)
• Moving for joy, not punishment or to “earn” calories
• Taking quiet walks without a podcast or phone
• Creating small pockets of peace, even in a very full day

Now, at the time I really had a hard time sitting still, so I didn’t have a seated meditation practice. But I loved to run. I had quit smoking several years before and I traded smoking for running. I signed up for a marathon to make sure I wouldn’t start smoking again. And so that’s extreme, you don’t have to do that. Like I said, I was a perfectionist, always pushing myself too far.

But that running was my moving meditation. It grounded me, it brought me home to myself. It gave me time to process things. When you’re running for hours and hours and miles and miles, you have so much time to process things. But I wasn’t moving for punishment. I wasn’t moving to earn my calories. I was moving because it grounded me. It inspired me.

It was really all about creating small pockets of peace, even in a very full day.

Now, none of these practices were glamorous, but they were grounding. And they brought me back to myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Step 4: Growth – Expanding With Intention, Not Pressure

So once I started feeling more steady, the next layer really came naturally: growth.

But this time, it wasn’t coming from fear, and it wasn’t coming from scarcity. It wasn’t about achievement or approval. It was about curiosity. Right? Curiosity.

I went on to get certified as a health coach and then a life coach. I was so inspired by everything I’d learned in my yoga teacher training that I went on to complete my 300-hour advanced yoga teacher training. So I became a 500-hour registered yoga teacher and a continuing education provider with Yoga Alliance.

So why is this so important? These gifts that have changed my life, I get to share them with others. I’m going to tear up just talking about it. Like, how magical is that?

But the biggest growth was really internal. It was inside.

I became more honest in my relationships. I am honestly still practicing this, the needing to let go of doing everything. It’s a work in progress, but at least I acknowledge that it’s something that I want to liberate, something I want to set free, that need to do everything. But I have been focusing on doing what actually matters the most to me.

Step 5: Nourishment – Learning to Care for My Whole Self

And I’ll be honest with you, even now, so many years later, this is the rhythm, this is the pattern, these are the routines that I return to every single day.

Now, I used to think that wellness meant pushing harder, achieving more, doing more, doing all the things, all while eating less, shrinking my body, and trying to take up less space in every way.

Now I know that real nourishment is tending to myself:

• Asking what I need and letting that answer change and evolve over time
• Surrounding myself with people who feel safe and supportive
• Knowing when to push and knowing when to rest, and knowing I don’t have to earn that rest
• Creating a home that feels peaceful, that feels like me
• Practicing presence instead of perfection

These are my practices now. And it’s not about getting it right, it is just a relationship with myself that I keep returning to.

What’s Different Now?

I feel at home in myself. That sense of peace that I used to chase? I don’t chase it anymore. You know, I thought if I went to college, if I got a good job, if I got into a steady relationship, if I bought the house, that suddenly I would feel satisfied. I would feel fulfilled. I would feel happy and complete.

But what happened was I got myself into a job where I was working 12-hour swing shifts. I was like a zombie. The relationship that I was in, I had outgrown. I bought this house that was too big for me. I don’t know why. I guess chasing the American dream. And so when I was caught up on the housework, I was behind on the yard work. If I somehow managed to get caught up on the yard work, I was behind on the housework.

And so that sense of peace and joy and happiness and fulfillment that I was chasing? I don’t chase it anymore. I live from it. Far from perfect. Not perfect at all. Not every moment. But in a way that is real and lasting.

I built a life that feels like mine. It’s not a life full of “shoulds.” It’s a life built on what actually feels good and aligned to me, like moving to this little fixer-upper cabin in the woods with my husband, our animals, and a view that I love.

I turned the healing into my life’s work. This is where I get really inspired. Now, I get to help other women come home to themselves through my one-on-one Soulful Life Coaching, through my group and self-paced programs, through the stories that I share on my podcast, even through the yoga classes that I teach. At the heart of it all…

I am steady. Now I’m grounded. Now, don’t get me wrong, life still gets lifey (if you’re on my newsletter, you know). But I don’t spiral like I used to. I trust myself. I come back home to myself. I have practices that ground me and bring me back to me.

Just the fact that I can feel at home in myself now? Wow, that changes everything.

What’s Possible Now

Now, I can:

• Say no without guilt
• Make decisions with clarity, not from a place of fear
• Live in alignment or balance or harmony (so I’m not coming from this place of achievement or needing or “should-ing”)
• Have honest, nourishing relationships
• Build routines that support my nervous system
• Trust myself deeply and consistently

So what’s possible now is that sense of peace that I had been craving for all those years, that I couldn’t quite find. Presence. Self-trust. And this life that feels like mine.

If You’re Craving That Too…

So if you are craving that too… if any part of my story resonated with you, if you’ve ever felt disconnected or stuck or unsure of who you are underneath all the doing, this podcast is for you.

I created it because this work changed my life. These practices are not complicated. They are simple enough to actually use. Now, simple does not always mean easy, but they are simple enough to actually use.

So in the next episode, I’m going to show you exactly how to use them in real life with three practical tools that you can come back to anytime you start feeling overwhelmed or kind of stuck. And the best part is you don’t need hours of free time or a perfect mindset. All you need is a couple moments to slow down, to pause.

And you know, I know that I’m not the only one out there who has ever felt lost in a life that was supposed to look “right.”

So make sure you follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. We’ll talk about the real stuff, the quiet unraveling, the gentle awakenings, the small shifts that change everything.

And if you’re feeling like, yes, I want more of this, you can explore working with me one-on-one inside Soulful Life Coaching, or join my email list where I share deeper reflections, stories, and support, whatever feels right and aligned for you.

I’m really glad you’re here. We are just getting started.

So stay tuned, and I’ll meet you in the next episode. Rachel